Foster Family Feature: Joseph & Elaine
Joseph & Elaine’s house is full of energy as four little boys grow and play. The couple has two biological sons: Alex (7) and Rhett (4). They recently added two more boys to their family through foster care, ages 10 months and 4.
Elaine said she and Joseph have always wanted to foster. She was sure to keep all of her children’s toys and clothes, anticipating the day they would welcome more kids into their life through foster care.
In 2016, when Rhett was born, Elaine became very ill. She was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and battled the debilitating symptoms that came with it. She said her illness prevented them from pursuing fostering for a season.
“I could hardly take care of my own children,” she said. “Then, I started getting better.”
Joseph & Elaine were eager to start the fostering journey they had long wanted to begin, so they started by contacting Children’s Division. After some delays, Elaine said it was then that an ad from Coyote Hill Foster Care Ministries Foster Care Services in mid-Missouri popped up on her Facebook page.
“I wasn’t even on Facebook, and it popped up on my phone to show me that Coyote Hill Foster Care Ministries was doing STARS,” Elaine said. “That was so cool! We emailed them, and not even a day later, they emailed us back, and we started.”
Joseph & Elaine wrapped up their STARS training just as COVID began to hit. April, May, and June all passed, and they weren’t receiving calls for children needing placement in the age range they preferred. Just when they were beginning to get discouraged, Elaine said God spoke to her more clearly than ever before.
“I felt like God told me, ‘You’re going to get them on the 13th or 14th of July,'” she said. “On the 13th, I got the house completely ready. I told Joseph, ‘We’re going to get kids this week, so we need to be ready.'”
And on July 13, they got the call. Two boys needed a home and if Joseph & Elaine were willing, they could be placed with them. They immediately said, ‘yes’ to an infant and a four-year-old.
Joseph recalls the boys showing up within an hour and a half of the placement call. They came with almost nothing. While Joseph & Elaine had plenty of clothes and toys for the boys, they needed to make a special trip to Walmart for diapers and formula.
While that initial rush of children being placed in your home can be overwhelming, Joseph says they took it all in stride.
“It’s not a rush, it’s life,” he said. “It seems like a rush in the moment when they are bringing kids, and you know it’s going to happen, and your adrenaline is rushing, but it’s just like your own kids. You get what you don’t have and life moves on.”
Adjusting from a family of four to a family of six has certainly been challenging. Planning outings with a baby takes more coordination. Elaine also said it was hard in the beginning for Rhett and Alex to adjust to sharing mom and dad with two more brothers. Time has helped, and despite the hard days, Joseph & Elaine said their boys have already learned so many lessons from this experience.
“One of the main reasons we chose to do this was for our kids, so that they could see how privileged they are,” Elaine said.
“Our boys had a hard time comprehending that when the kids arrived, they literally had nothing,” Joseph said. “They didn’t come with toys. They didn’t come with special clothes or anything. Our boys couldn’t comprehend a world where kids didn’t have stuff, so I think it’s been a very eye-opening experience.”
In the time Joseph & Elaine have been fostering, the two boys have made huge strides. The four-year-old has been able to conquer potty training, and he has learned how to dress himself and feed himself; things he had no idea how to do when he arrived. Having a biological four-year-old who has had a healthy childhood, Elaine said seeing the differences in the two children has been overwhelming.
“Our kids can run all over the place and feed themselves,” Elaine said. “They are very independent kids. It’s been interesting to see two kids that are only three months apart, the differences in them, simply because he wasn’t given the opportunity to be who he needs to be.”
A reality of foster care is that reunification is always the goal. Joseph & Elaine said it is hard knowing the boys may not be with them forever, but knowing that pushes them to make their time with them count.
“We’re just trying to get them to where they’ve learned all of these skills so that they can take care of themselves if they have to when they go back,” Elaine said.
“Just realizing that you’re in it for as long as you’re in it,” Joseph said. “That might be two months. That might be two years. It might be the rest of your life. You might be able to adopt the kids, but you just don’t know.”
